well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
