Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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