I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
