so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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