Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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