you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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