His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
