At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
