You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
