Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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