fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
