Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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