dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
