just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
