she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
i think i just lost a toe
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
