what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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