So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Its about making memories worth repressing
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
