I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
it's like iHOP with fire
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
