Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
