areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
