I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
