So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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