Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
