in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
