Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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