So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
