I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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