Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
