break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
