I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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