She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
