i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
