I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
