I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
