dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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