I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
