I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
