i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
