Will you blow on my dice?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
