she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
