yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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