At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
