at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
