it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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