ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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