why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
