so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
