Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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