do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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