okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
