Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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