just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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