Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
