My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
